My Latest Favorite Thing: Experience Project

Earlier in the semester when I was taking some time to look further an identity of mine, I was doing my usual internet surfing when I had come across this website, Experienceproject.com. While I didn't have a chance to create an account at the time, I promised that I would come back and sign up as soon as I got the chance. And so I did, earlier this week, and now Experience Project has become by far one of my favorite things on the world wide web.

Allow me to elaborate.

 I am all about identity (which if you don't know already, I'm sure you will come to know soon enough). Once I learned that you can have more than one, it's like my world totally opened up and now I am always eager to explore another trait or quality that makes me. And this is just one of the great things that Experience Project provides. The website lets you delve in and browse through a massive amount of experiences to find whatever it is you identify with so that you can emerge saying: "I sleep with a stuffed animal" or something of the sort. There's a group for someone who says, "I love British comedy," "I am an insomniac," "I have an accent," "I am a Pagan," "I am married but lonely," you name it, it's there. If you're the first who thought of it, you can always add the experience on to the site and type in, "I..." Can't speak Japanese fluently yet? No worries, you can always click the "plan to" button and add it to your goals.

And the beauty of it is that you're not limited as to the number of groups you can be a part of.

I am personally a fan of this website because, while I actively reject labels, particularly in cases where one person takes it upon themselves to bestow a label on another, I do enjoy a sense of order that allows to list all that I am for myself to see. I love the anonymity of it all, which gives me the chance to claim identities that I'm still too nervous to speak of aloud or come out about. And above all I love the sense of community that the site provides. Knowing that you are not alone in an identity, feeling, or experience, was not always a comfort we could secure for one another before the days of the internet, but now with sites like these you can know for certain, that while you may stand out from the crowd, there's always another freak right there with you.

Try it out. Agree? Disagree? Is there something I forgot to mention or another side that I hadn't acknowledged? Please share and let me know what you think!

How many dead women can Kanye fit into his latest video?...

Answer: A LOT!Utter disgust...Check out his latest single "Monster"...

**Trigger Warning**



It's incredibly disturbing to see popular music has gone from scantily clad dancing women, to scantily clad dead women hanging from ceilings or as severed heads in the hands of Kanye. Jay'z is no better with his highly controversial lyric: "I rape and pillage your village, women, and children" as a woman lies nude and dead behind him on a couch.

And Nicki Manaj, hip hop's woman of the year, trying so hard to be one of the boys. I totally get that her scene is more of a play on the dual roles women are expected to maintain. For Nicki in particular, one persona is a stereotypical pure/innocent woman and the other is an animalistic/evil woman who is able to roll with the boys by downplaying her femininity (weakness) and emphasizing her masculine traits (power). Can she use her popularity and celebrity for good? Would it be too much to ask her to help empower women out there, rather than playing being apart of a video that blatantly dehumanizes them? Establish a new par in terms of sexism, and let male rappers rise to your level...please? In the very least, at least her scene was a just some bondage/kink rather than murder...

Certainly there are women that are also depicted as being murderers, but their status is no where near the powerful men rapping in front of the camera. Instead they are shown as animalistic "blood-suckers" that will drain powerful men of their money.

When did music become this...Kanye's a "Monster" indeed

Baby, Its Cold Outside (Take Two)

I wrote this before reading Zaneta's post below... I suppose great minds think alike? I have a bit of a different perspective though, so I figured I ought to post too :)

With the blizzard in New Jersey stranding me in my home, today seemed like the perfect day to do a post on the song Baby Its Cold Outside and guilty pleasures in general. I think I have listened to the Glee version of this song (and watched the clip from the episode) at least 60 times since the episode premiered. For the first week or so most of my listening was done in secret, in my dorm room; even though we were playing holiday music at work I just didn't think this song was appropriate for the Women's Center due to it's (for lack of a better word) rape-y themes. Eventually I decided I needed to do a blog post about the song and ask myself: how could I reconcile loving a song SO MUCH when it had such a creepy undertone?

I started researching the blog post and things went in a totally different direction, once I found this post from Persephone magazine:

"The song sets up a story where the woman has dropped by her beau’s house on a cold winter night. They talk in the first verse about how long she’s going to stay. She has ‘another drink’ and stays longer, and then later in the evening it’s implied that she’s going to sleep over.

If we look at the text of the song, the woman gives plenty of indication that she wants to stay the night. At the time period the song was written (1944), ‘good girls’, especially young, unmarried girls, did not spend the night at a man’s house unsupervised. The tension in the song comes from her own desire to stay and society’s expectations that she’ll go. We see this in the organization of the song – from stopping by for a visit, to deciding to push the line by staying longer, to wanting to spend the entire night, which is really pushing the bounds of acceptability. Her beau in his repeated refrain ‘baby, it’s cold outside’ is offering her the excuses she needs to stay without guilt.

Let’s look at the lines. As she’s talking about leaving, she never says she doesn’t want to stay. Her words are all based around other people’s expectations of her – her mother will worry, her father will be pacing the floor, the neighbors will talk, her sister will be suspicious of her excuses and her brother will be furious, and my favorite line that I think is incredibly revealing, “My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious.” Vicious about what? Sex. Unmarried, non-good girl having, sex.

[...]

The song, which is a back and forth, closes with the two voices in harmony. This is important – they’ve come together. They’re happy. They’re in agreement. The music has a wonderfully dramatic upswell and ends on a high note – both literally and figuratively."

So now I'm not sure how I feel. On one hand I am glad for this explanation. I liked it so much that I shared it with pretty much everyone at work, and played the song quite a few times as part of our Holiday relaxation atmosphere. Honestly, I want to just embrace it so I can listen to the song (over and over) without guilt, and just move on with my life.

On the other hand, even if I can totally rationalize away any creep-factor inherent in this song, I am still disturbed by the fact that, even if I didn't have this explanation, I would be listening to the song.

Which brings me to Glee, and the idea of guilty pleasures in general. Try as I might I just can't rationalize Glee away anymore... with each episode the show seems to get more and more offensive and yet, I still love it. Why? I have no idea.

In a way I feel like my relationship with Glee mirrors Baby Its Cold Outside: I protest because Mr. Shuester gets creepier each week, the show's treatment of it's not-conventionally-beautiful female characters sucks more and more each week (the pity-kiss between Shue and Bieste was an all time low), the show's treatment of disability issues and racism is ridiculously hackneyed and bad... and so on and so forth.

Yet, I continue to make excuse for the show. But, maybe they're just overblowing the stereotypes to make a point? But maybe the way they handled the bullying situation with Kurt is a sign that things will get better... even though that wasn't very well done either. But Coach Bieste is such an awesome character, maybe they will start treating her right next episode! But at least they have a more diverse cast than most shows. But baby, its cold outside.

I know I should stop watching but I just don't want to... and here I am. I've written critiques of Glee... so have many bloggers. I discuss it often with my feminist friends. I hate it so much, but I also love it so much. So, what now? I have no clue.

Let me know what you think in the comments! What are your guilty pleasures? How do you know when its time to just quit something? Is there anything redeeming about Glee? Lets talk!

Deconstructing "manhood"

Reposted: Classic Holiday Assault...

This post is really intended to just extend a happy holiday to everyone! Being a feminist, I thought I would take this opportunity to just deconstruct a classic Christmas song. I'm not sure if you have taken the time to actually listen to the lyrics of "Baby, it's Cold Outside," but you should...

Dear Dean Martin,

She said NO! Have you ever heard of a little thing called consent?

No? Well, getting a woman drunk and then bombarding her with tons of pressure to stay the night is NOT CONSENT. One of my favorite quotes is "The opposite of no is not yes, it's enthusiasm." People should not have to beg and plead with their partners until they finally just "give in." "Maybe" means no, silence means no, "yes" while intoxicated means no, and no doesn't mean "just ask me until I finally say yes."

In case you missed any of the lyrics...here are just a few of the realllly bad ones

Well, maybe just a half a drink more (Put some music on while I pour)

The neighbors might think (Baby, it’s bad out there)
Say, what’s in this drink (No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I oughtta say no, no, no sir (You mind if I move in closer)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried (And what’s the sense in hurting my pride)
I really can’t stay (Oh baby, don’t hold out)

I simply must go (It’s cold outside)
The answer is no (Baby, it’s cold outside)

My sister will be suspicious (Your lips look delicious)
My brother will be there at the door (I ain’t worried about you brother)
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious (That ol’ biddy, she ain’t gonna bother me)
Well maybe just a cigarette more (You don’t need no cigarette, it’s smokin’ plenty up in here)

I’ve got to get home (Baby, you’ll freeze out there)
Say, lend me a comb (It’s up to your knees out there)
You’ve really been grand (I thrill when you touch my hand)
Oh, but don’t you see (How can you do this thing to me)

Happy holidays!

For those who are snowed in and want some feminist entertainment...

Cover by Me! Original by Nellie McKay: "Mother of Pearl"

This is why I know Higher Ed/Student Personnel is ABSOLUTELY the place for me...

WTF Naomi Wolf?

Ridiculous. Feminism 101: Yes means Yes. No means No. Silence means No. Yes while incapacitated means No. I get that this whole Assange thing is mostly political, and that Sweden doesn't generally do well in supporting survivors, but COME ON!

"She never said no..." Does that mean she wasn't violated?

Bi-Racial College Students "Gaming" the system?

A recent article at The Chronicle of Higher Education about how bi-racial, of black and white ancestry, students "game" the application system by only identifying as black when applying to scholarships, jobs, schools etc...in order to benefit from affirmative action.

The content of the article wasn't nearly as offensive or assuming as the title is , but nevertheless it raises a few interesting questions. the "one-drop" rule is referenced quite frequently in terms of whether or not students who don't have "two black parents" deserve affirmative action. Really? Last time I checked, collegiate affirmative action was meant to increase both socio-economic and ethnic diversity, not just "black people." And someone who is multi-ethnic, I do not experience this world as someone that is white. I am still very much a person of color, and the "one-drop rule" as it pertains to my daily interactions is still very much alive.

Racial Segregation: Brought to you by the New York Times

The New York Times recently released an amazing map that uses US Census data to depict ethnic breakdowns across the country. It's rather neat...and totally disturbing to find out just how segregated a lot of places still are. Check out this screen shot of NYC:

I wonder what this map would have looked like before Giuliani? All I can think about when I see this map is his campaign, what many still call a successful campaign, to clean up New York. People tell me that the Times Square area used to be a cheap place to live. Have you been there lately? Gentrification at it's finest. Does clean up=get more white people to move here? This map can mostly be explained with housing costs, but I wonder how much of the map is plain old comfortability. I also wonder how the quality of K-12 education differs as the colors of the dots change?

Visit the NYT map and see if/how your community is segregated!