I'm queer. <---- Not a surprise. However, I'm not actually certain I was born this way.
I don't mean to bring up overused stereotypes, but I often question how my sexual orientation may have differed if I wasn't a survivor. This is not to say that all survivors end up queer. If 25% of women and 11% of men experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime, clearly not all queer people are survivors and not all survivors are queer. But speaking from my own personal experience and realizations (as well as many a years of counseling and mentorship), I'm pretty comfortable talking about my status as a survivor and recognizing that is absolutely has played a role in my sexuality.
Now I know that "born this way" has been, and will continue to be an anthem for many generations of queer folk, but I ask you to consider the consequences of this single definition of how queerness occurs. Thanks to genetic testing and mapping, studies upon research upon experiments have been used to find the "gay gene." In some scientific spheres, gay is treated as a genetic mutation and an eventually curable disease.
I get why it's important to understand that queerness is not a choice, especially in terms of legal and human rights. But we have to recognize that queerness can be nature and/or nurture. And by nurture, I refer to life experiences, not teaching or brainwashing. Sexual violence is real, and I'm done pretending I was 'born this way," because I'm not sure I was.
But dear Gaga and all the little monsters out there...Maybe I was born this way, but maybe I wasn't...and that's ok too.
So a message to all those struggling with identity out there: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT WRONG. YOU ARE NOT SICK OR DAMNED...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL & LOVED & STRONG. STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF!
I always felt that saying "I was born this way" was just a way of trying to make an excuse. Like its a form of reasoning. I always preferred "Its just the way I am"
ReplyDeleteGreat post :)
Awesome post, and I mostly agree, except I'd even take it a step further. Because not only don't I believe it's a choice (I personally am absolutely positive that I could never be gay, no matter how hard I tried)... but it wouldn't matter even if it was.
ReplyDeleteHopefully this will never happen, but what if they did find a "cure?" Would you let them "cure" you? Because then it WOULD be a choice. But failure to recognize the legitimacy of that choice would be just as disgusting as the present failure to recognize the lack thereof.
I understand that establishing that there is no choice in sexual attraction is important for public policy right now, but it's really just a utilitarian argument winner. "Born this way" is, to me, a concession to the opposition, because it fails to advance the argument onto the ultimate truth that being queer is a blameworthy offense for ANY reason.